Dear onions readers,
My 22-year-old boyfriend told me I should write about the place of women in our society.
He said it after experiencing a small glimpse of my, like every woman’s, tough daily life.
And he admires me.
So yes, I was quite flattered.
Then I started thinking.
What’s my point of view on this question:
“Is there a place for tough, clever, nice, charming women in our society?”
Because for him, the answer was simple: no.
Women have to create that place.
And then fight to protect it every single day.
He saw it.
I was his window into that world.
Time to peel.
Everyone I interviewed showed a genuine interest in the topic.
It’s like climate change, gay rights, or the impact of sugar on health: important, sensitive… and slightly spoiled!
Everyone has the right opinion. Everyone says the right things.
But a deep understanding of what a modern woman actually is, in her everyday life, is still far from our culture and routines.
While discussing this with friends, I suddenly saw something beyond the conversation.
We weren’t looking in the right direction.
The role of women in society?
That’s the has-been question.
Let me tell you why: women, most of us, already know exactly what to do.
We know the risks.
We know the rules.
We know the dangers.
And still, we keep asking:
How can we do better?
How can we improve?
How can we be more perfect?
Fuck.
Anyway, we’re on the right path.
Continue peeling…
Somewhere between two conversations, I noticed something.
In the eyes of the guys I was interviewing, there was always the same moment:
First:
“Oh shit, she’s going to ask something complicated.”
Then:
“Oh, wait. It’s the women’s equality question. I’ve got this one.”
Relief. Comfort. Control.
And I remember thinking:
What the fuck don’t you have?
What did you think I was going to ask?What is the question you’re actually afraid of?
It took me a few conversations, same reaction, same relief, to get it.
The question I was asking… is outdated.
The real question
It’s not about women anymore.
It’s about men.
What is the role of a man?
Because while women are busy evolving, men are still being raised for a world that is disappearing.
Provider.
Protector.
Problem-solver.
Sounds good.
But…What happens when none of that is required anymore?
The uncomfortable part
What is the role of a man next to a woman who doesn’t need him?
Not doesn’t want. Doesn’t need.
If she doesn’t need him for security,
what is he supposed to protect?
If she doesn’t need him financially,
what is he supposed to provide?
If she is emotionally stable on her own,
what is he supposed to fix?
If she can build, decide, leave, and rebuild, alone,
what is his position?
Not above. Not necessary. Not obvious anymore.
The tsunami no one names
And that’s the part no one really talks about.
Because it’s not loud.
It’s not a revolution in the streets.
It’s quiet.
It’s happening in everyday life.
In salaries.
In choices.
In relationships that women can now leave, without collapsing.
Men feel it.
Of course they do.
You see it in hesitation.
In jokes.
In that tiny moment of discomfort no one explains.
Like something is shifting,
but no one really wants to name it.
Who will survive Darwin’s law?
No drama. No war. Just evolution.
Women didn’t just ask for a place.
They started building lives where they don’t need permission anymore.
And men, men are no longer defined by being needed.
Which changes everything.
Because now:
She doesn’t stay because she has to.
She stays because she wants to.
And that, is a completely different kind of power.
So the question is no longer:
Is there a place for women in our society?
But:
Are you a man worth being chosen?
In today’s world, natural selection no longer rewards those who are strong,
but those who know how to make themselves chosen.