[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”About” _builder_version=”4.16″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_stops=”#ffffff 86%|#f4f4f4 100%” background_color_gradient_start=”#ffffff” background_color_gradient_start_position=”86%” background_color_gradient_end=”#f4f4f4″ custom_margin=”||||false|false” custom_padding=”18px||10vw||false|false” bottom_divider_style=”waves” bottom_divider_color=”#ffffff” bottom_divider_height=”10vw” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|0px|0px|||” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”Prompt|200|||||||” header_2_font_size=”60px” header_2_line_height=”1.2em” header_4_font=”Prompt|600||on|||||” header_4_font_size=”14px” header_4_letter_spacing=”2px” header_4_line_height=”1.2em” z_index=”1″ text_orientation=”center” max_width=”800px” module_alignment=”center” header_2_font_size_tablet=”40px” header_2_font_size_phone=”25px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” text_orientation_tablet=”left” text_orientation_phone=”” text_orientation_last_edited=”on|desktop” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]<\/p>\n
<\/strong><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”25px|||||” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ text_font=”||||||||” text_font_size=”20px” text_line_height=”1.6em” module_alignment=”center” custom_padding=”1px||||false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”14px” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|desktop” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n Dear onions readers,<\/strong><\/p>\n Today I would like to talk about habits.<\/span><\/p>\n I am a very lucky person. I live in a marvelous place: Nice, in the south of France. It\u2019s a splendid city, right next to the sea. The weather is almost perfect, in summer and in winter.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s also an incredibly international city. Walking around, I can hear Russian, Chinese, Italian, English, French, Lithuanian, Polish, German\u2026 and many other languages I don\u2019t even recognize.<\/span><\/p>\n But when it comes to finding a good restaurant, things get tricky.<\/span><\/p>\n You don\u2019t want to end up in a tourist trap or leave half your salary with the bill. So my friends and I carefully share the addresses we discover. Sometimes, of course, I still end up in a wonderful place by pure chance.<\/span><\/p>\n But everyone in Nice knows one thing: if you want a really good restaurant, you book in advance. Sometimes a week ahead.<\/span><\/p>\n So what do you think of someone who doesn\u2019t book?<\/span><\/p>\n Maybe they do not really value their time, money, or experience.<\/span> \u201cI\u2019ll just go there, and if it\u2019s full, we\u2019ll find something else.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I like spontaneity, but I have learned that for important things, spontaneity needs structure.<\/span><\/p>\n In a small Italian village full of empty restaurants and low prices? Go with the flow. Enjoy the moment.<\/span><\/p>\n But in Nice? You risk being unwelcome, eating badly, drinking worse, and paying too much.<\/span><\/p>\n Now here is the point:<\/span><\/p>\n When you are dating, you are the restaurant.<\/span><\/p>\n And I am a very nice restaurant in a tourist city.<\/span><\/p>\n I have met so many men who did not \u201cbook the restaurant.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n And I wasted so much time and energy wondering if it was because I was not worth it.<\/span><\/p>\n But I have learned something important:<\/span><\/p>\n It was never about the restaurant.<\/span><\/p>\n I am now a restaurant with a great view, great vibes, fantastic food, and charming staff.<\/span><\/p>\n And still, I sometimes meet people who do not \u201cbook.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n So\u2026 was the restaurant ever the issue?<\/span><\/p>\n Absolutely not.<\/span><\/p>\n I want to be completely honest with you, because I know many people still secretly believe they are the problem – that if someone does not engage, it must be because they are not enough.<\/span><\/p>\n But here is the truth:<\/span><\/p>\n If someone does not choose you – does not text you, does not show up, does not invest – it is not a reflection of your value.<\/span><\/p>\n It is a reflection of their choice.<\/span><\/p>\n They simply decided not to \u201cbook the restaurant.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n And you should not stay emotionally available for people who cannot even reserve a table for you.<\/span><\/p>\n I know this is not easy.<\/span><\/p>\n Because there is always a \u201cbut.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n But I like him.<\/span> I am probably one of the most stubborn people I know. I have said that \u201cbut\u201d hundreds of times, despite all the advice from friends who could clearly see what I refused to see.<\/span><\/p>\n It never worked for me.<\/span><\/p>\n What finally helped me move through all of this was understanding attachment styles.<\/span><\/p>\n There are two books that completely changed my perspective.<\/span><\/p>\n The first one is <\/span>Let Them<\/span><\/em>.<\/span><\/p>\n People want to feel free to make their own decisions. So let them.<\/span><\/p>\n What we can do is observe\u00a0 – and then make our own decisions accordingly.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cLet them\u201d\u2026 and then \u201clet me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n And honestly, the second part is the hardest one.<\/span><\/p>\n Making decisions for ourselves is much harder than complaining about other people\u2019s decisions.<\/span><\/p>\n So be brave.<\/span><\/p>\n Let him or her act the way they choose. Observe carefully. Then choose yourself accordingly.<\/span><\/p>\n The second book is <\/span>Attached<\/span><\/em>.<\/span><\/p>\n It explains that, when it comes to adult relationships, there are generally three attachment styles…and understanding them can change the way you experience dating completely.<\/span><\/p>\n Secure people feel confident about their own value and yours. They communicate clearly. They do not play games. They create safety instead of confusion.<\/span><\/p>\n Then there are anxious people. They fear abandonment and need reassurance. This is not a flaw or a weakness, it is simply a pattern. And anxious people usually thrive when they are with secure partners who can provide consistency and emotional safety.<\/span><\/p>\n And finally, there are avoidant people.<\/span><\/p>\n Their fear is losing freedom or becoming trapped in a relationship. Because of that, they often create distance: emotionally, physically, or through inconsistent behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n When an anxious person dates an avoidant one, a painful cycle can begin.<\/span><\/p>\n The anxious partner believes the distance must mean: \u201cI am not enough,\u201d so they seek more reassurance.<\/span><\/p>\n The avoidant partner then feels overwhelmed and pulls away even more.<\/span><\/p>\n And the cycle keeps feeding itself.<\/span><\/p>\n Understanding this changed everything for me.<\/span><\/p>\n Because sometimes, the problem is not your value.<\/span><\/p>\n It is simply the dynamic.<\/span><\/p>\n These books helped me understand something simple but powerful:<\/span><\/p>\n You do not need to convince someone to choose you.<\/span><\/p>\n The right people do not hesitate to book the table.<\/span><\/p>\n They do not need directions to your value.<\/span><\/p>\n They reserve the seat.<\/span><\/p>\n And when they do, you stop wondering.<\/span><\/p>\n You simply sit down and enjoy the meal.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Good Restaurants Require Reservations And so do emotionally available people\u00a0 Dear onions readers, Today I would like to talk about habits. I am a very lucky person. I live in a marvelous place: Nice, in the south of France. It\u2019s a splendid city, right next to the sea. The weather is almost perfect, in summer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7,8,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-359","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-books-saved-my-life","category-peeling-me-tender","category-the-dark-side-of-the-onion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sparklingonion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/359","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sparklingonion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sparklingonion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sparklingonion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sparklingonion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=359"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/sparklingonion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/359\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":363,"href":"https:\/\/sparklingonion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/359\/revisions\/363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sparklingonion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=359"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sparklingonion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=359"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sparklingonion.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=359"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Or maybe they simply do not know better.<\/span><\/p>\n
But maybe he will change.<\/span>
But he needs time.<\/span>
But he feels like the one.<\/span><\/p>\n